What we look for is what we see
The importance of looking for positive change
Let’s do an experiment.
Wherever you are – your desk, your couch, your toilet (let’s be honest, we all take our phones into the bathroom) – spend the next 15 seconds looking around you and counting the number of blue things you can see.
Simple enough, right? Just look for anything BLUE around you. After 15 seconds, scroll down to finish the experiment. Ready, set, go!
Great. Now, finish reading this instruction, then close your eyes. With your eyes closed, list at least five GREEN things around you. That should be easy, right? You just spent 15 seconds looking all around your room. That’s right, I asked you to look for BLUE things and now I’m asking you to list GREEN things.
Experiment over.
I’m guessing you had a little trouble listing the green things. I’m also willing to bet you probably would have had no trouble listing the blue things. Congratulations! You’re very good at seeing exactly what you’re looking for. On the other hand, I’m sorry to inform you that you’re very good at seeing exactly what you’re looking for.
What are you looking for?
It comes down to this: what we look for is what we see. Sometimes that’s ALL we see.
When you look for all the things that are going wrong, you SEE all the things that are going wrong. Before you know it, it’s become a habit. You feel stuck with nothing but the negative inside you and all around you. All you can see are the ways your kids, your spouse, your boss, your pet, your body, your home, or your car are disappointing, disempowering, demotivating, and depressing you. You see it because that’s what you’ve trained your eyes to look for. And the more you see the negative, the more negative your filter becomes, so the more negatives you see. It’s a spiral that can suck you into the black hole of discontent.
Time for a reality check
I’m not an always-positive, Pollyanna, see-no-evil type. I know shit happens. Sometimes a lot of shit happens. Sometimes people are jerks, cars are lemons, bosses are buttheads, and yes, even your body lets you down. I’m not suggesting we should – or even could – stop noticing those things. I’m just saying that you can make a conscious, intentional choice to look for positive things to balance out all the harsh reality out there. The more you practice taking off those Captain Negativo glasses and building up that good-stuff-happens-and-I’m-going-to-see-it muscle, the more you may notice that it actually gets easier and easier to see the good stuff.
It’s a choice. And, yes, it’s really that simple. It’s just not that easy.
So here’s my invitation to you
For the next seven days, every time you find yourself putting on your muck-colored glasses and seeing the negative in something, take a breath, take the glasses off, and take 15 seconds to look around you. Count all the positive things you can see OTHER than that one negative thing. Or if you’re up for a double-black diamond challenge, look at THE SAME person or thing and look for the positive aspects of him, her, or it. What’s right with him? What’s she doing to help you? What’s great about that imperfect thing?
Check out these links for helpful workout tips to strengthen your good-shit seeing muscles:
Meditate (it’s not as scary, boring, or hard as you might think)
Keep a gratitude journal
Fill your head with good news
Cleanse your mind and body through forest bathing (yes, you read that right)
About the author
Dave Wyner is a Licensed Professional Counselor, National Certified Counselor, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and Certified Grief Counseling Specialist with a practice in Louisville, Colorado called A Path Forward Counseling. He’s passionate about helping people rebuild their lives and thrive again after painful losses or traumatic experiences. His abiding desire is to help people affected by trauma and grief tap into their own strength, courage, and resilience in order to find meaning and purpose in their lives. In addition to traditional office-based counseling, he also offers equine-assisted psychotherapy with a herd of six horses at a small, private ranch. In his spare time, Dave enjoys hiking the beautiful Front Range with his wife and dog, nature photography, and catering to the two cats who graciously allow him to live in their house.